From Tessa, Child's Age 14 - 01/27/20 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
I posted a while ago about my 14 year old son Jack who was, at the time chubby-to-overweight (five foot six, 179lbs). This was in late November, and my biggest worry at the time was his rapid weight gain.
Since then, I have been trying really hard to motivate him to lose weight, but he has been hesitent and has often lashed out.
To make matters worse, his appetite has gone through the roof. On the rare occassion we order pizza, we will order two large pies for the five of us (Me, DS 16 who is on a successful diet so isnt eating too much, DS 9 who is skinny as a string bean, and DH who is, admittedly obese) which I think is a perfectly fair amount with maybe a few slices to put in the fridge for a snack later. But Jack will devour his 2 pieces, then whine until we allow him more, and then talk about how he could eat a whole pizza himself. Same with everything, nothing is ever enough. Seconds, thirds even and he will complain he is still hungry.We try to stay firm, but every time it becomes a fight. He has started to 100% sneak food, and when he is out of the house there is little we can do besides limit his spending money, which can only go so far.
He has put on even more weight. We finally got him on a scale and were shocked (but not really, sadly) to find that now he is 197lbs. He has outgrown clothes he fit perfectly mere months ago, and is wearing 38inch jeans. It seems like all of his weight has gone to his belly, and he has a lot of stretch marks there.
Its really taken a toll on him, last week he was invited to an offseason football practice/meetup and I felt really bad watching him. For one thing, he had to wear his High School's football shirt which he hadnt touched since the end of the season (mid-November) and it barely covered his belly to start. And the exercises, which were not at all hard (think basic, push ups, sit ups, etc; not lifting or anything crazy) were hard for him to complete. By the end he had sat out most of the sit-ups, and was panting heavily. Apparently at the pizza buffet the team went to afterwards, he ate almost 10 slices of pizza plus other stuff, though that's according to him as parents weren't invited.
When, after weighing him, I asked if he wanted help to maybe lose some weight and get more fit, he threw a fit and said he didnt care and that he thought he was skinny enough so we should just drop it.
I just dont know what to do. He is such a handsome kid, if you just look at his face, but as soon as you see the rest of his body you just feel sad. He can barely fit into clothes he wore fairly comfortably a few months ago, let alone a year ago, and every time we try to nicely help him, he brushes us off and says he thinks he is fine how he is, he has even said that he thinks he is skinny or thin!
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 01/29/20  - IP#:
I just wanted to add, Tessa, that the main thing is to keep a good relationship with Jack. Good luck!
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 01/29/20  - IP#:
Do you get any support from your husband, Tessa? You mentioned that he is obese. If he's not actively supporting you, he's passively giving Jack the permission to eat what he wants and disregard your concerns. I went through the same thing with my son when he was 11/12 that you're going through now with Jack. Paul had gone from chubby to obviously fat and so I spoke with him about good nutrition, etc. His response was anger that I was nagging him and that I was trying to starve him. I got no support from other family members, so I went to a psychologist for advice. (Paul refused to go, saying he didn't have a problem, it was normal for him to be "big" because his uncle and cousin are and "being big runs in the family".) The psychologist explained to me that a boy between 11 and 16 is developing their sense of independence and self-responsibility. They think they know everything (of course, they don't) and react angrily to parents'well-intentioned efforts to point them in the right direction. She pointed out that a parent can forbid a teen from doing something (like eating fast food) but the kid will try to prove to the mom that he knows what's best for himself by sneaking food or purposely eating huge amounts. Any attempt to talk with the boy about long-term health concerns will fail because he only thinks of the present. I even had my son's pediatrician (male) talk with him about weight and healthy eating and Paul's reaction on the way home was to ask to stop at McDonald's "for a snack" because he was "hungry". Sorry to be so discouraging, Tessa. It kills me to have seen my son's handsome face turn into a round balloon of chub with a double chin. So far he's healthy (I take him for check-ups every 6 months) even though he's very obese now. I find ways to bring up his weight in ways I think play on his feeling he's an adult (like when he talks about wanting to be a first responder I mention heght/weight limits) but there are times when I bite my tongue
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 01/28/20  - IP#:
Tessa, when I was 14 I would automatically rebel against whatever my mother wanted me to do (lose weight) She made it worse by constantly bringing up my appearance and how much I ate.You said your 16 y.o. is on a successful diet. Was he fat at 14? How did you persuade him to go on a diet?