From Lori, Child's Age 13 - 07/16/17 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
Need advice, my daughter is 13 and weighs 280. She's always been stout and always been on the heavier side. She is sensitive about it, do I risk making it worse by saying something? Im a big girl at 5'6 and 225 but Im comfortable and healthy, her father has always loved big women and even told me when we first met that i was beautiful but needed to gain weight and i was raised by parents who pushed being skinny, big girl's were ugly. I was 180lbs, size 12 at the time and felt huge and ugly. My ex set a great example that big girls are beautiful and skinny isnt all that. Our only concern was being healthy and confident and she isnt. We divorced 5 years ago and im afraid its traumatized her. Question, she is the middle child and highly sensitive, im afraid i could make it worse but i want to say either own it or fix it. Do I get tough and quit tiptoeing around it? advice?
Reply from Catherine, Child's Age 13 - 12/09/17  - IP#:
My daughter is 5'6 and weighs 210 lbs but I'm happy with her because she's not growing now. It all started when she was 11 years 6 months. Before that, she was a girl who was of above average height (for girls) and fat, but hardly overweight. She didn't exercise but grew well (since me and my husband were tall) and was stronger than boys of her height since she ate three square meals a day. We didn't mind her being fat because she hardly had big hips or a big belly. She doesn't have wrinkly skin even today. We always encouraged her to eat till her tummy was full because we were vegetarians and my girl needed to eat well to be so strong. And then she had puberty. She was one of the first girls to show signs of adolescence. She grew like the beanstalks in Jack and the Beanstalks. She grew a lot. I mean she grew TALL and 'FAT'. She went to being the tallest and heaviest child in her school (her school had only the 7th grade as final grade). Everyone from me and my husband to the kids in the school were shocked at her growth. She clearly showed signs of obesity like big cheeks, thick arms etc. but still she had a flat back and a flat front. We thought off waiting for a while before doing anything. She grew fatter and taller. The area above her elbow was so big that we thought that the sleeves of her uniform would blast some day. Her wrist was twice the width of an arm. But still she had a flat front and back. This really surprised everyone as even though she had so thick arms still she had a normal sized abdomen. We had just had one problem-thick arms. Then, my daughter was at her most beautiful stage of her life. She changed from a chubby girl to a gorgeous girl. But to our bad luck that beauty didn't last long though she's till beautiful. Then she began to change. Her hips began to widen and within two months she looked like a woman, not a girl because of her hips.
Then it happened. Her fat began to harden. This happened to her friend too. Their fat sort of transformed into muscle and they become damn strong. Her friend too is vegetarian but she is not as heavy and strong as my daughter. But she is very well built like my daughter. They both look like body builders now beside their friends and they really are that strong.
My daughter has a friend who is a boy, four months older, matured at the same time as her, and they both were always the same height. But the difference was that she ate more than enough and didn't exercise while he ate a lot and exercised a lot.
There is a fact that all the fat girls in my daughter's school show- non-vegetatrian girls and fat girls who eat less, who are hardly 3/4 of her weight have bellies twice her belly size and all their fat is in their abdomen, hips and thighs. But all the girls who are vegetarians (some exceptions) AND girls who eat normally to adequate have healthy bodies and strong.
But this doesn't mean all vegetarians are healthy-looking. Some vegetarians who are fussy eaters have abnormal body shape and big bellies while very few of this sort have healthy looking bodies but their unhealthiness can be seen in their abnormal shaped face (folds on chin) though they are hardly overweight.
Non-vegetarians who eat healthy are also healthy but their percentage is less.
So, what matters is eat good food. Eat till your tummy's full but make sure that that is not more for your body needs. It also depends on the genes and metabolism.
First tell your daughter that she needs to drop some weight. You, as a parent, need to motivate her. Tell her that you aren't saying that she's looking ugly. Put her food habits in control. Let her have junk but put a limit to it. Tell her to eat till
Reply from Brianna, Age 19 - 10/19/17  - IP#:
I gotta agree with Lindsey too, dropping that F-bomb on an unsuspecting girl can do a number on her self-esteem. Little girls can be cruel, ypu gotta have your daughter's back when the bullies get to her
Reply from Tom - 07/20/17  - IP#:
So, I agree with the advice stating that your daughter is already well aware of how fat she is. You will definitely make it worse by pointing it out to her. I think making different meal choices for the family and increasing physical activity is a good idea, but I disagree with the "10 sit-ups and push-ups every night." That definitely calls attention to the weight. Just going out for a walk at a brisk pace (2.5 to 3.5 MPH, enough to raise your heart rate) for a half hour is enough. Do it together and don't talk about weight (or even "health," kids see through that one). Say that it's for time alone with her, to feel better.
Reply from Lindsey, Age 18 - 07/17/17  - IP#:
Here's the thing: you don't have to tell her she's big because she knows it. Even skinny people usually feel fat. I'm 5 foot 8,140 pounds and I feel fat. I compare myself to others everyday. But this was at it's worst when I was 13. The best thing would be to go on a diet yourself, and then make your whole household follow. It will help bring everyone together and she can learn by example. Don't think about appearance or end weight, just aim for health. Make everyone eat more veggies, cut out soda, do ten push-ups and sit-ups every night right before crawling into bed. It will be hard. Doing it together will help. She won't feel like it's about her weight alone and you get to go through something together. My mom told me I was gaining weight once (I was 14, 5 foot 6 going on 120) and it completely destroyed my confidence. It took me a long time and a lot of tears. Trust me, she's judging herself hard enough. She's needs a mom who loves her and who is willing to put in the work with her.