From Lori, Child's Age 13 - 07/16/17 - IP#: 68.190.241.xxx  Click here to reply  
Need advice, my daughter is 13 and weighs 280. She's always been stout and always been on the heavier side. She is sensitive about it, do I risk making it worse by saying something? Im a big girl at 5'6 and 225 but Im comfortable and healthy, her father has always loved big women and even told me when we first met that i was beautiful but needed to gain weight and i was raised by parents who pushed being skinny, big girl's were ugly. I was 180lbs, size 12 at the time and felt huge and ugly. My ex set a great example that big girls are beautiful and skinny isnt all that. Our only concern was being healthy and confident and she isnt. We divorced 5 years ago and im afraid its traumatized her. Question, she is the middle child and highly sensitive, im afraid i could make it worse but i want to say either own it or fix it. Do I get tough and quit tiptoeing around it? advice?
Reply from Tom - 07/20/17  - IP#: 172.58.139.xxx
So, I agree with the advice stating that your daughter is already well aware of how fat she is. You will definitely make it worse by pointing it out to her. I think making different meal choices for the family and increasing physical activity is a good idea, but I disagree with the "10 sit-ups and push-ups every night." That definitely calls attention to the weight. Just going out for a walk at a brisk pace (2.5 to 3.5 MPH, enough to raise your heart rate) for a half hour is enough. Do it together and don't talk about weight (or even "health," kids see through that one). Say that it's for time alone with her, to feel better.
 
Reply from Lindsey, Age 18 - 07/17/17  - IP#: 69.163.15.xxx
Here's the thing: you don't have to tell her she's big because she knows it. Even skinny people usually feel fat. I'm 5 foot 8,140 pounds and I feel fat. I compare myself to others everyday. But this was at it's worst when I was 13. The best thing would be to go on a diet yourself, and then make your whole household follow. It will help bring everyone together and she can learn by example. Don't think about appearance or end weight, just aim for health. Make everyone eat more veggies, cut out soda, do ten push-ups and sit-ups every night right before crawling into bed. It will be hard. Doing it together will help. She won't feel like it's about her weight alone and you get to go through something together. My mom told me I was gaining weight once (I was 14, 5 foot 6 going on 120) and it completely destroyed my confidence. It took me a long time and a lot of tears. Trust me, she's judging herself hard enough. She's needs a mom who loves her and who is willing to put in the work with her.