From Lucy, Child's Age 10 - 06/01/15 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
My daughter, Heather, is ten years old, and as I have split with my husband I get her four days a week to look after. Her gets her friday-sunday, I get Monday-thursday.
The problem is, Heather has been gaining quite a bit of weight recently - she's always been a tad chubby, I'll admit, but over the past year (since me and my partner split up) she's really ballooned, to my dismay. I don't know her exact weight or height (she hasn't told me) but she's definitely quite overweight now, painful as it is to admit as a mother. She has a noticeably round, protruding belly that she is very self conscious about, and has a lot of trouble finding clothes that fit nicely.
If I had her all the time this wouldn't be a problem as I'd just change her diet up so she eats healthier - indeed, that's exactly what I did a few months ago. When she continued to gain weight I talked to her, and learnt that her dad is very lenient with food, and that she snacks pretty much constantly whenever she's at his. The meals are also apparently often fast food, and she often eats an adult's serving instead of a child's one.
I'm sure this is what is causing the gain, but when I tried to talk to him about it he point blank refused to see me, and wouldn't hear a word of it. My relationship with my daughter is already strained (she sees me as too strict and prefers to be with her father) so I don't want to make things worse by insisting she doesn't eat certain things at her father's, but I can't see any other solution to this.
Please, I'm at my wits end. If anyone has a suggestion I would be so happy.
(PS, I can probably get her weight and height if that would be helpful.)
Reply from Andrea - 08/01/15  - IP#:
Hi Lucy.. Bravo to you for cooking healthy! And, for caring enough to try and problem solve. You dont need her exact weight or height -- to know her body's changing and she doesn't like! I would take a positive approach: when you have four days a week, I would engage in enjoyable physical activities TOGETHER. It will be a good time to bond: even if it is just going for walks. Find different places to go. Yes, it's hot (in most parts ofthe country) so try the late evening hours, it's better for digestion, too. Maybe you could start by putting up a meal plan for yourself on the refrigerator, plot your starting weight and, even if you only wanted to lose a few pounds, do it publicly, or at least out in the open in your house. Engage her in making the meals with you. Again, use a positive, strengths based approach so that it builds on your relationship and does not detract. The LAST thing you ever want to do is decrease her self esteem. It is quite fragile and very hard to build up. It bothers me too that a child's self esteem is entirely built upon their looks -- we are so much more than our bodies. If you have joint legal custody then I would imagine you would be able to take her for her checkups-- so that is also something that could impact her decision to engage in healthy eating. YOu might consider going to a fast food place and non-chalantly ordering a healthy item,so that she sees she has that option. For example, at Hardees I order the low carb meal -- and the hamburger comes wrapped in lettuce. It is delicious and still easy to eat (I have no idea where they find these mutant size lettuce leaves!) Good luck to you and your beautiful daughter.
Reply from MightyMommy, Child's Age 11 - 06/18/15  - IP#:
I am dealing g with the same nonsense
I'm trying so hard with my 11 year old who weighs 165 lbs. I will keep him active.and.eating okay, but just this weekend he took him to a Mexican restaurant and let him do the 5lb burrito challenge with a freaking large soda AND dessert.
He seems to think hes grow intpnit. Not likely. I'm only 5ft and his dad 5ft7
Reply from Ann, Child's Age 14 - 06/05/15  - IP#:
Hi Lucy,
That sounds like a similar problem to my family. My boys are overweight and my attempts to change that are continously interfered with by their dad (my ex-husband). It's frustrating. We alternate weekends and weeks so I'll have them for 2 weeks but they go to their dads on the weekend then it switches and he'll get them for two weeks and I'll get them on the weekend. I can't seem to get them on board with weight loss because he "doesn't see it" when I say they have a weight problem.