From Holly, Child's Age 11 - 05/01/14 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
My husband and I do shared parenting with his ex-wife. The 11 year old weighs 140 lbs. I have been privately trying to tell my husband and his ex to control her eating. when she is at my house she eats good, but her dad lets her eat as much as him or more. which I try to control but it is a losing battle. when she is at her moms (who is very over weight) she eats all she wants, when she wants, as much as she wants. I try saying stuff but his ex-wife and she gets soooooooooo mad. I try talking to my step-daughter casually about it but she just pretends to care then turns around and eats! I also know that when I do cut out soda, limit candy and ice cream she goes to her moms and makes up lost time. Once her mom told me that she lets her eat a whole bag of chips and drinks a 2 liter of pop in one sitting. she seen the look on my face and rudely asked what should she do then, I replied how about giving he a bowl and telling her that's all when your done! this is what I am up against, that is why I shared this story. also my 11 year old is in a women's 10-12 and I have a hard time finding clothes that are not low cut, layering only helps so much!! and also I have a hard time with shoes because it is hard to find a women's size 5 in wide width. I try to get her to do stuff but she only wants to watch TV and play video games. so I cut off the TV then she will only do stuff that you do sitting down example reading, coloring etc...I am fear for her health only!!! I am 25lbs. over weight myself and I try to get her to do stuff with me to set an example!! I need help for her health!! thanks for any input!!
Reply from heather, Child's Age 11 - 10/14/14  - IP#:
I too am in a very similar situation. My step daughter is 11yrs old, weighs around 155-165 and is wearing a womens size 16 in pants and a xl-xxl top. We have her Sunday-Wednesday every week. I feel like have been fighting in a never ending, solo me against the world battle for 7yrs. Both parents are in complete denial about her weight, and what I think her health as well. Her dad and grandma are diabetes with high blood pressure and her mom is very overweight. Anytime I bring the issue up I am hit with a wall of defense and everyone thinking I'm just picking on her. I have no kids of my own so it seems my concerns are unrealistic. I work 12hour nightshift so I'm not always home for afterschool and dinners.when I am home however i only allow healthy afterschool snacks, as well as
a fairly balanced dinner. Water during the day except with meals, no soft drinks nor do we have a dessert after dinner. No t.v. before school and after school til 7pm. Her parents on the other hand feed her whatever she wants, whenever. Any kind of drinks, sweets, double adult size portions....I just don't know what to do. If she is here I follow the health eating, lots of water always up and moving *rules*so she doesn't feel singled out. She is extremely lazy and her parents don't think anything of her watching tv from the time she gets home til bedtime. I'm afraid the kids at school are going to start making fun of her. I offer to go on walks, bike rides, the park....anything, but no, and since I'm the step parent I can't just say yes you are going to do this stuff. I know this isn't true for every situation, but for mine I feel like its pure laziness on her parents behalf on why she is soooo big. There is no other excuse. I am desperate to get this child healthy and active before its to late. I've also tried to get her involved in afterschool (even nonsport) activities with no success. Since you posted this have you come across any big or small solutions or helpful tips??