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From Holly, child's age 11

My husband and I do shared parenting with his ex-wife. The 11 year old weighs 140 lbs. I have been privately trying to tell my husband and his ex to control her eating. when she is at my house she eats good, but her dad lets her eat as much as him or more. which I try to control but it is a losing battle. when she is at her moms (who is very over weight) she eats all she wants, when she wants, as much as she wants. I try saying stuff but his ex-wife and she gets soooooooooo mad. I try talking to my step-daughter casually about it but she just pretends to care then turns around and eats! I also know that when I do cut out soda, limit candy and ice cream she goes to her moms and makes up lost time. Once her mom told me that she lets her eat a whole bag of chips and drinks a 2 liter of pop in one sitting. she seen the look on my face and rudely asked what should she do then, I replied how about giving he a bowl and telling her that's all when your done! this is what I am up against, that is why I shared this story. also my 11 year old is in a women's 10-12 and I have a hard time finding clothes that are not low cut, layering only helps so much!! and also I have a hard time with shoes because it is hard to find a women's size 5 in wide width. I try to get her to do stuff but she only wants to watch TV and play video games. so I cut off the TV then she will only do stuff that you do sitting down example reading, coloring etc...I am fear for her health only!!! I am 25lbs. over weight myself and I try to get her to do stuff with me to set an example!! I need help for her health!! thanks for any input!!