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From Falon, Age 18

hey yall.. im 18 and i have always been bigger than all my friends.. im 5'5" and weigh 165. no one in my life seems to think im fat.. but thats all i can see.. when i look in the mirror all i can see is fat. when i was 15 i weighed 180 and stoped eating and lost 50 lbs. buti have gained a lot of that back.. i need lose it again.. i just dont know how.. the way i did it before was just to not eat and when i did i would throw it up.. and i got caught.. my sister told my daddy and they forced me to eat and i wasnt allowed to go to the bathroom alone.. it was the worst times of my life.. now i just need to know a way i can lose weight with out it being not healthy.... im about to go to college on a softball scholarship.. and i need something.. if you have any help for me let me know..