From Dave, Child's Age 16 - 12/24/19 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
Hello! With December and christmas celebrations, how are you with overweight kids doing it? Still keeping some eye on diet and eating, or just letting loose for those weeks? I am kind of conflicted on what's good - I don't want to ruin the holidays, but at the same time.. Well, you know..
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 16 - 01/15/20  - IP#:
Well, I can just second that. At least with teenagers it's hard to impossible to force them to do anything they are not motivated to and they don't see why. Things like chores around the house or homework is different, because they know they need to even though they don't feel like it. Forcing anybody to lose weight that doesn't want to is doomed to fail anyway - in one way or another.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 01/15/20  - IP#:
I can't speak for anyone else who has posted in this thread, but I have to say it's easy for someone to say "Tell your kid to this this". Anyone who has a teenager knows it's not that easy. Each family has circumstances which make it even more difficult. I appreciate being able to share with Dave, Felix, Tessa and Jesse...makes me feel I'm not alone in my struggle. Thanks to all of you.
Reply from Anthony, Child's Age 17 - 01/06/20  - IP#:
I’ve been reading this board seeking advice about dieting tips and exercises for my overweight son but there seems to be a common issue on this board. None of you are upfront with your children about weight loss. Y’all beat around the bush and your kids manipulate you into becoming little (and not so little) blimps. Jesse, your son is young, he should not be almost 230 pounds. Start restricting food, he can’t snack if there’s not enough food to do so. Felix, tell your sons that they are too fat and must lose weight. Simple. Janis, do the same. Your son is way too large for his age and he’s old enough for you to tell him you’ve gotten too fat and you are starting a diet tomorrow. Tessa, nip this issue in the bud. It’s clear that your son is a glutton and this behavior needs to stop before he gets as large as some of the other kids on here. And Dave, it is not too late to start a weight loss program with your kids. Tell them they need to lose weight. 300+ pounds is not healthy on any frame. All of you need to stop bending over to your kids. You are the parents.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 16 - 01/06/20  - IP#:
Jesse, my youngest is now 16, but he was around 220 when he was 11. He gained a lot until he was 14, then it for some reason slowed down when he got taller. I often tried limiting how much he ate when he was a kid, but it was not easy. Luckily he preferred mostly relatively healthy food, just a lot of it. Also was and still is a very social person with friends around all the time, and his weight never bothered him at all, so I kinda let it pass. Guess I am not a good example myself either, as I love good food and have always been big too. As he got taller, finding clothes also got a lot easier.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 01/05/20  - IP#:
Janis, do you know how much Luke weighed when he was 11? My son Lane weighed 90 at age 6, he's always been a big boy, but I hate to think of Lane weighing in the 400's when he's 16 like your nephew. Lane weighed 227 this morning and I was wondering if Luke weighed that much at age 11.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 01/02/20  - IP#:
Felix, sorry for a few typos in my message. Paul has unrestricted pocket money which he spends on food for both boys. I chauffeur them around and Paul will ask me to stop at a fast food place "for a snack" for both of them. They usually eat in the car because Luke is too fat to fit into a booth. I'm really worried that Paul will end up weighing as much as Luke.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 01/02/20  - IP#:
Felix, to answer your question, I wish my son Paul and my nephew Luke would bond over basketball in the driveway. They bond over video games and food. Luke is 2 years older than Paul and has always been very heavy. I think he already weighed 100 lbs when he was 6 years old. He's totally sedentary and spends all his free time playing videogames and working on the computer. He wants to be a video game designer and "professional gamer". He eats continuously and currently weighs 455 lbs (Paul told me). He's broken furniture and yet my brother (his dad) and his sister-in-law don't do anything to restrain his appetite and eating. When Paul was 9, he spent the summer with them (at the time they lived abot 250 miles away; they've since moved back toour hometown and we share a two family house). My boss gave me an assignment overseas and it was considered too dangerous to take children,so my brother and s-i-l invited Paul to stay with them. Too make a long story shot, when I returned I found my tall slender son had gained 40 pounds and had developed a big appetite. He and his cousin kept in touch via skype since that summer until they moved back a year later. I'm glad they're so close because Luke is a good boy, but when Paul is with him him Paul eats along with him and, since Paul has restricted pocket money, keeps them both in snacks and extra food. Paul's had the week off from basketball practice this week, and all his time has been spent with Luke, eating and playing video games.
Reply from Tessa, Child's Age 14 - 01/01/20  - IP#:
Felix - You are right, and part of me worries that he has put on weight.
And I agree I cant force him to do anything about his weight until he is willing to put in the work,. I dont want to make a huge deal about it and hurt his self confidence, but I also worry about where he will end up in 10/20/+ years and the health issues he may have in the future.
We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so he can get some vaccine boosters, so I guess I'll know what he weighs now after that, guessing he probably put on another 5lbs, but still hoping for the best.
Reply from Felix, Child's Age 16 - 12/29/19  - IP#:
Christmas Day was quite okay with food. It’s generally seen as the day to go all out so I didn’t mind them stuffing themselves to the brim - I know I did and I’m not a big eater. Since I’m home and not really working during the holiday period I have been taking internal notes of the food intake. My 16 and 18 year old eat like the world is going to end. I had to go into the office to have a meeting a few days ago and I brought them into the city for some father-sons bonding time. I asked them to get lunch while I was in the meeting and they come back with 2 footling hoagies/subs and a drink and cookies each for themselves! I asked them why and they were simply just hungry. My wife doesn’t want me to say anything to the 18 year old because he’s growing into himself with football and that a comment like that would rock his confidence which knowing him I get. But the 16 year old every time I say something to him about how he’s gotten absolutely massive nothing triggers a change. I ask him doesn’t he want to lose weight, says yeah, I offer a gym membership and he declines. I notice a multitude of changes with him - he gets winded more, has gotten lazier, etc. While he’s good in health as well, being over 300 pounds isn’t good on any frame. But he’s going well in all other aspects and it’s hard to promote change if the person doesn’t want to change.
Tessa- It may be best to let him come to the realization on his own - maybe one day he’ll look in the mirror and say “wow I need to lose some weight”. Have you talked to him about not moving on to varsity and how he feels about that? That’s a goal that he may be depressed over not reaching. Maybe bring up weight/athleticism in that context depending on how he feels about varsity? Another note - he may be closer to 200 pounds than you think - he was 180-ish about 2.5 months ago.
Janis - it’s great that your son hasn’t gained much due to basketball. If he’s very serious about joining first responders when graduating secondary school I would bluntly ask him what would he do when they deny him for being 100+ pounds overweight. I recall when planning to join the police force as a young adult they told me I was too fat and I was a fraction of your sons size. Does he and your nephew Luke exercise together? Maybe some bonding over basketball in the drive would be good.
Dave- I’m in the same boat as you. My 16 year old does great otherwise outside of health. Has lots of friends, does excellently in school and balances a part time job. He doesn’t do sports and at this stage it is futile to try to convince him otherwise. I’m quite concerned because I know that being so large will take much a strain on your bones and is a pathway to diabetes. I’m also concerned that he’ll blow up in University when he has access to unrestricted food. My college son is away and he’s gained about 20-odd pounds since going to university (he’s in his second year currently) and it’s noticeable because he’s not very tell (5’6?). I don’t want to be nagging dad but I don’t want to get a call while at work in the future that he’s had a heart attack because of his size.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 12/28/19  - IP#: and Lane just digs in. They do this with the other grandkids too. Some eat big and range from chubby to obese but some (the granddaughters) politely say no. They complement Lane about how he's such a "big boy" (biggest of all the cousins) and he always smiles.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 12/28/19  - IP#:
...over 300 all his adult life until he got lung cancer in his 70's so "being big rund in the family". I noticed this week (4 get togethers so far, more next week) that grandma and her sisters all are encouraging Lane to eat. I give him "the look" but then grandma brings him another plate...
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 12/28/19  - IP#:
At 11 my son Lane isn't self conscious about getting on the scale. I weigh myself and he does every week (I'm supposed to be on a diet. This morning he weighed 225 because of holiday eating. Extended family is no help..they all remind me my late wife was very heavy and her father weighed...
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 16 - 12/28/19  - IP#:
And I should try to get them into some sports, but when none of them want to, it's hard. I don't know how I could do anything about their weight when they don't see a problem, really. They both get really good grades and have lots of friends and hobbies, so nothing wrong there. They just eat a lot, often go to fast food joints, order pizza and so on. Both have part time jobs that provides some money, and obviously a lot goes to food. I don't worry a lot about their weight, but don't want to see health issues down the road. Both are perfectly healthy, but at 300 lbs +/-, that can change..
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 16 - 12/28/19  - IP#:
I haven't weighed any of my sons as they are a bit too old (16 and 18) for me to fo that, but they are definitely big. The oldest has not gained a lot, but the younger one now is abput the size of the older. Lots of food, snacking and no sports or exercise for any of them.
Reply from Tessa, Child's Age 14 - 12/27/19  - IP#:
Christmas was very hard for my 14 year old. My older son has been losing weight, and very successfully, but my middle son just seems to be putting on more and more. He has started to be very resistant to the scale so I cant really say what he weighs, but I would be surprised if he hadnt put on a few pounds since I last weighed him.
Christmas morning we normally all just come down in PJs. He is old enough that he just wears boxers to sleep, so his only PJs are 6 months+ old, and as he sat down the rear ripped open in front of his cousins and the rest of the family. Though all treated it maturely, DS ended up locking himself in his room until we were about to leave for dinner (at a local Chinese place, a tradition). He then came down and announced he wouldnt be going out with us as he was a 'fata##' and after a fight we left him with a note that we had a fully stocked fridge.
We came home to find he had ordered a large pizza delivered (paid with some cash we had lying about) and ate basically all of it minus some crusts. When I, kindly, asked why he went on about how if he was fat and nothing would change that so he might at least act like it.
The next day me and DH sat down with him and said that if he wanted to lose weight we were certainly happy to help, offering him a gym membership and telling him that his older brother would be more then willing to help him as well considering his recent weight loss. DS turned us down.
Its frustrating because this is becoming a pattern. He will be very aware of his weight/size and ashamed and talk like he wants to make a change, then flip to not caring at all and being resistant to any attempts to help him in the blink of an eye. I don't care what his weight is - I want him to be happy - but I am worried this is a symptom of a bigger issue and I want him to be happy, which he isnt right now. We are lucky he isnt as massive as some kids his age - still under 200lbs, so Im not too scared of immidiate issues, but I worry if this continues it could be a long term issue. My DH is very overweight (330lbs+) and dealing with some weight-related health issues now, so I dont want to see my son deal with that as well.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 12/26/19  - IP#:
Felix, Dave, and Jesse, my approach is the same as yours. My son Paul (6'3", 360) us playing grade 9 basketball and it seems to have kept him from putting on any more weight even though he still has a huge appetite. His cousin Luke (age 16, 5'11", 450 pounds) also has a huge appetite and his a poor role model for Paul as far as eating even though I should be happy they're best friends. No one else in the family, even extended family, thinks the boys have a weight problem, so yesterday at the family Christmas dinner ( a pot luck buffet for extended family) both boys spent all day eating. One of my aunts gave each boy a large box from Hickory Farms (sausage and cheese). How's that for enabling behavior? Paul keep on talking about wanting to join law enforcement, firefighting, EMT, or the military when he's older. I've shown him on websites how those careers have height/weight requirements. Hopefully at some point Paul will realize he needs to take control of his eating and lose weight. I know it's a long term goal, but at this point nagging and arguing with him isn't successful and I've given up. On Monday Paul's team played another team and were ahead by 50 points so the coach put Paul in (usually he's on the bench because he's so slow) and Paul was huffing and puffing and waddling down the court and some of the other fans were actually laughing at him and I was embarrassed for him and thought it might have an effect on him, but he's been eating more than ever this week.
Reply from Felix, Child's Age 16 - 12/25/19  - IP#:
Dave, I’m not doing much of anything. My 16 year old has got to be over 300 pounds now - it goes in one ear and out the other, so I’ve sort have given up for now. Work has been very busy and I haven’t been able to go home much these last few months so I’m not stressing out during the holiday period. Looking at my second oldest son (18) he’s gained a bit of weight these past few months as well. He plays football and apparently has gained about 30 pounds this year which (200 to 230) which isn’t good obviously but at least he’s athletic. My college age son (20) is looking a bit chubby as well.
Dave, how big have your sons gotten? Do you know what is causing it and if/what you plan to do about it after the New Years?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 16 - 12/25/19  - IP#:
Hey, Jesse! Glad to hear there are more of us. I have read about your loss and feel sorry for you! Glad you are doing relatively well there! I also feel you with my two boys - the oldest one hasn't gotten much bigger, but the youngest has gotten quite a bit bigger especially since summer. I haven't imposed any restrictions so far, but it will be very hard trying to do that in January and just not slip back onto the same track..
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 11 - 12/24/19  - IP#:
Dave, it's the holidays and it's been a tough year for our family. A couple weeks ago I just decided to let Lane eat. Time enough in January to started bugging him not to eat so much (it doesn't work anyway, just gets both of us upset).I decided to put my own diet on hold too.