From Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/11/19 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
Sorry this is a little off topic but I need advice. My wife died 7 years ago when my sons were 5 and 3. The younger one, Lane is having a real hard time with tomorrow being Mother's Day.For the past week all Lane talks about is his mom, why did she have to die (car crash), what was she like, etc. I answer all his questions but it's never enough...
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 08/28/19  - IP#:
How are your boys doing, Jesse"
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 08/07/19  - IP#:
Jesse, how are your sons doing?
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 07/17/19  - IP#:
Dave, Leo is getting taller and he's busy all day and in the evening and doesn't seem to be eating as much. I think you're right about Lane. No signs of puberty yet, always hungry. If he ends up like Lleo, everything will be OK and there's nothing to worry about, right?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 07/16/19  - IP#:
Glad to hear all is well! Is your oldest getting taller, so he is stretching out, or does he eat less? So your youngest is approaching the same size as the older one? Might be pre-puberty weight gain, it's quite common.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 07/10/19  - IP#:
Thanks for asking, Dave. Leo is losing weight. Our scale is broken but his clothes that just fit him at the end of May are now loose on him. Lane is still getting bigger, wearing Leo's old clothes now but he's shorter so Jean's and shorts legs are rolled up.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 07/10/19  - IP#:
Hello! How are you and your boys doing this summer?
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 06/19/19  - IP#:
Samuel, sorry, meant to say "the next biggest boy after Paul takes size 48 shorts".
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 06/19/19  - IP#:
Samuel, Paul take men's size 3XLT polo shirts and men's size 54 shorts (school uniform, which we have to special order. The biggest boy takes 48 shorts.) Paul likes to wear jeans, but we have to go to DXL or similar to try them on, each brand is cut differently. We bought jeans this past weekend, 54/34 relaxed fit, stretch denim. Tee shirts are 3XL. Shoe size us 13!
Reply from Samuel, Child's Age 18 - 06/17/19  - IP#:
Janis – what sizes does he take now?
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 06/12/19  - IP#:
Jesse, my son Paul is an only child and he was always very outgoing. He was around 10 when he started to gain weight. He had been slender and in the course of a summer (while I was away on business) he put on 30 pounds and from then on he continued to gain weight rapidly. He's now 6'3" tall (the pediatrician had always predicted he would be tall) and weighs 337 pounds. He's the biggest boy in his grade and every time I take him for a check-up the pediatrician tells me he's healthy but needs to lose 150 pounds! Easier said than done since I'm away a lot and my brother and sis-in-law care for him and they think he's just fine the way he is. They have a son, Luke, who is 16 and weighs over 400 pounds, and they are fat also. I love my son, but every time I see his big belly and massive hips I cringe to myself. He will be playing basketball this fall (because of his height...he'll be the tallest freshman) and I'm hoping the sport will help trim him down. Because of his height, I think, he hasn't had problems with teasing or bullying. That all being said, from the way you describe your sons I'm concerned that Lane may face big problems. Paul was just like Lane in the sense that all the warnings I did about eating too much fell on deaf ears. I finally saw a psychologist for myself, who told me a growing boy has issues with self-identity and that's what no one can tell him what to do. Prserving a good relationship between parent and child is the main thing, and to provide healthy food. My efforts were sabotaged by my brother and s-i-l but it couldn't be helped. Am I right that you are with your boys 24/7? If so, I implore you to be creative and come up with ways to cut back on their intake of food. I'm guessing your pediatrician has offered you the services of a nutritionist. If so, please take her up on that. They are still growing and need to eat healthy but NOT overeat. About Lsne being at loose ends because his brother is making new friends. Are there programs at school of the local Y or Boys and Girls Club for his age group? If he's reluctant to go, "bribe" him...promise him something he likes (NOT food) if he goes and sticks it out for the summer. Be firm and tell him you know it's hard but have faith he can do it, boost his self confidence. Hope this helps anmd good luck.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 06/09/19  - IP#:
...can. When I've mentioned to Lane to "go easy" because we're having lunch soon or we just ate a short while ago, he says OK but then I see him with a sandwich or cookies or chips. Any ideas on how to handle this? How is your son doing? Was he like this when he was Lane's age?
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 06/09/19  - IP#:
...all the time. After we picked up Leo we have dinner and the three of us go walking, but in the evening Leo is usually texting with his new friends etc, so it's hard for Lane. I know he's eating a lot because he'll ask me if I want something while I'm working and i see empty wrappers in the trash..
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 06/09/19  - IP#:
...(accountant) so Lane reads, plays video games, plays with our dog Sparky. He's at loose ends but reluctant to take part in programs where he doesn't know someone (he's 10 yes 8 months old). Is this normal for a boy his age? I can arrange my work schedule at times to do things with him, but not...
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 06/09/19  - IP#:
Thanks, Janis, for your concern. Leo started a special summer program for gifted kids last Monday, every day from 7:30 to 4:30. This is hard for Lane because until now he and Leo have done everything together. There are no kids around here Lane's age so he and I are together all day. I work from...
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 06/05/19  - IP#:
Jesse, may I suggest that you get involved with a group such as Parents Without Partners? It may help you to share experience with others who have lost a spouse through death. I want to complement you for being such a devoted father. Speaking as a single mom who works hard to have a good relationship with my son (age 14), there are times when you just have to say "no" to your boys, especially when they want to eat more than they should. It's great you are all walking and exercising and swimming is a good activity for them, too. Just a caution to you: it sounds like your younger son has the potential to become enormously fat if you don'gt get a handle on controlling his overeating. Your sons will respect you if you set limits and explain why you're doing it.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 06/04/19  - IP#:
Janis, you may be right. At least for me. My sis tells me I should find another lady for me and to give my boys a new mom. But it's hard. Never can replace my wife, she was perfect. The boys are enjoying vacation and go swimming every day weather permits.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 05/29/19  - IP#:
How are your boys doing, Jesse? I felt so sorry for you all when I read about the boys missing their mom. Sounds like you all miss her. Please don't take this the wrong way, but are you all eating your feelins?
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/17/19  - IP#:
Tom, they go to a small charter school and have a lot of friends. I'm fat myself (238 lbs) and so was their mom so it's no big deal to them. They have no problems going shirtless in public (hot weather, pool) while I did when I was a fat kid their age. I'm happy they have self confidence.
Reply from Tom, Child's Age 16 - 05/16/19  - IP#:
Do they seem to mind or notice? have their friends said anything?
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/14/19  - IP#: but he'a little shorter than Lane was at the same age so Lane really shows the added weight. It's a struggle to find pants off the rack that fit him but now the weather is warmed he wears sweatshirts or basketball shorts, men's size L
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/14/19  - IP#:
..I'm going to let them have something to eat. Leo is getting taller and his voice is cracking and I've had "the talk" with him so I think the doctor was right about it being pre-puberty weight gain. His weight seems to have stabilized.Lane is 18 months younger and his weight is zooming...
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/14/19  - IP#:
Tom, both boys put on some weight after their mom passed, but only from thin to chubby. The drastic weight gain for each came at age 9. The doctor says its prepuberty weight gain and "overnourishment" which means they have too much to eat but when they tell me all the time they're hungry off course....
Reply from Tom, Child's Age 16 - 05/13/19  - IP#:
I assume he started gaining weight after her death? I remember when my father died (I was 9) I gained a lot of weight
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/13/19  - IP#: now 158. We walk in the afternoon or evenings when the weather is good. Lane eats all the time and when I remind him we just had lunch an hour ago (for example) he tells me he's hungry as he eats pbj sandwiches with a glass of milk. I don't have the heart to take the food away from him.
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/13/19  - IP#:
Thanks for your reply Dave. I'been answering all Lane's questions and showing him pictures of his mom. Yesterday on Mother's Day we went to a restaurant that was her favorite. Boys got a big kick out of that. They still eat a lot, Lane more than Leo. Leo's weight is stable, about 225. Lane..
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/12/19  - IP#:
I would definitely answer his questions as good as possible. Your sons are old enough to get the whole story, even though it might not be the easiest for you. How is their eating habits and weight coming along?
Reply from Jesse, Child's Age 12 - 05/11/19  - IP#:
..for him. Leo, the oldest, just stays silent. It's so hard for me, my wife was the only girl I ever loved and she was my whole world. It's so painful when Lane keeps asking about her but I want him to know her. Any advice, please?