From Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/15/19 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
Not the parent, but an Uncle here. Hello people, kinda wanted to poke in here to ask for advice.
I have to look after my Nephew for the foreseeable future, as my Brother has major amount of traveling to do for his work over the next few months.
I haven't had seen him since he had his kid.
so I was in for quite a surprise when I met Martin.
he's 11, and a normal height for his age
but hooh, boy
the weight is anything but.
I asked him to spet on a scale, which he did after some complaint of having to get up.
346 Lbs (156 KG)
I somewhat struggle to care for this kid, and I'm just expected to do so.
he's somewhat spoiled and expects me to bring the food to his room.
In the week or so he has been here already, I haven't seen him leave the room outside of bathroom visits.
And he struggles to walk that way, I had to put a few chairs along the way from the room to the bathroom.
It feels more like what caring for a kindergarten kid feels like.
do any of you guys have Helpful advice for me?
Reply from Kyle, Child's Age 21 - 04/19/20  - IP#:
Hey hope everything is going well for you guys Justin!
Reply from Kyle, Child's Age 21 - 09/11/19  - IP#:
Really curious about how things are going. You still looking after him? Is his dad aware of how big he is now?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 08/14/19  - IP#:
And what changes have you and your nephew done to attend to the problems identified by the doctor at the checkup?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 08/14/19  - IP#:
Do you still take him out in the wheelchair? Is he mobile around the home using it, just not walking anywhere? And how is his eating habits and weight these days? Did he continue gaining weight?
Reply from Kyle, Child's Age 21 - 08/11/19  - IP#:
Sounds like the wheelchair ended up contributing to him losing his mobility... At least he got to get out though right? This must be hard on you, especially if you're still taking care of him. Does his dad know about his difficulty moving? Are you aware of his current weight? Hopefully with the right help your nephew can have a normal happy fit life.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 08/11/19  - IP#:
Sorry for taking so long, I kinda forgot about all of this here.
so yeah, we had the checkup. It wasnt good, lots of little thing the doctor complained about, high blood pressure, his bedwetting problems were a sign of his stomach fat, and lots of little things I can't remember a few months after.
Martin also got a cpap as well as a result of the appointment. and uh, since the start of July he got too big to get up at all. He's been immobile since and that just made it a lot more work as well.
all things conspired he still is doing alright though, sorry if I worried all of you
Reply from Kelly - 08/10/19  - IP#:
Any updates? Worried for the poor guy.
Reply from sarah, Child's Age 12 - 06/16/19  - IP#:
Justin, all good with your Nephew Martin?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/21/19  - IP#:
Hello, Justin, how did the checkup go?
Reply from Tom, Child's Age 16 - 05/16/19  - IP#:
When he is walking how dose he seem to handle his belly? does it get in his way, does he waddle?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/16/19  - IP#:
Glad to hear he seems happy! Are you still taking him out now and then? Have you tried introducing him to any other food than what he normally eats? And how is his mobility? Is he dependent on the wheelchair, or just using ot because it is easier for him?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/14/19  - IP#:
I scheduled a checkup for Friday, so let's see how it goes. And yeah, he does seem pretty happy, like quite happy, doesn't seem to be upset by much at all. and he looks like he is doing fine, with his weight and everything, you know?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/13/19  - IP#:
Maybe it's a good idea to get a checkup? He might be fine, but at the same time, being that big can be quite stressful. Do you think he is happy with his life in general?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/13/19  - IP#:
No, he hasn't been at any doctors since he was staying with me. and I think he mentioned that it was quite long ago when he last went to one.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/12/19  - IP#:
I see. Has he been to a doctor lately? Weighing 400 lbs for a grown man is unhealthy, but for a kid it can be life-threatening, and he will probably not live to see 20 if he continues along this path.. Not that I would scare him, but changes need to be made soon..
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/12/19  - IP#:
I don't really know. But he doesn't seem bothered by this stuff himself. Which makes it really hard for me to know what to do. I know with how it's going right now he won't be able to walk long anymore, but he doesn't really care. I don't really know how to handle this, I'm just his uncle as a mid term "babysitter"
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/12/19  - IP#:
Do you think he understands that his eating habits, obesity and lifestyle is what makes him dependent on a wheelchair, bathroom troubles, not being able to shower himself etc.? And that if he continues along the same path, he will actually end up immobile soon?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/12/19  - IP#:
how much food? it's really a lot, even on normal days and it is kinda hard to keep track, because he doesn't have his meals at set times and instead when he wants, but how I noticed is just that he asked more often to eat and wel, that the food runs out quicker. and if I don't get him what he wants? he gets really upset. not yelling but sad and almost crying. and he only cheers up when I get him what he wants. And about what he eats. Well, pre-made meals like pizza, lasagna, burgers. He also likes noodles, but only with certain sauces. and Martin has a huge sweet tooth, from cookies to ice cream. He requests a lot of snacks. but with everything he eats he is very, uh particular. stuff has to be a certain way, not too hot not too cold. everything has to be certain brands and all that.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/09/19  - IP#:
How much food are we talking about then, and what does he typically eat? Just maintaining a 400 lb body takes a lot of food, so it must be significant amounts. What happens if you give him less or something different than what he wants?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/09/19  - IP#:
I mentioned it before.i have tried taking him out for a few activities. but he's not that willing to do much, and i do have quite a lot of time but between work, grocery shopping, and all the food making for Martin. and things like showering him. I do not really have that much time to do things even if he wanted to. So it's pretty much just going out to eat twice a week. and wheeling him around in the park after that. but the last two weeks I have gotten him into the cinema. but outside of that not much else.
tbh I'm a bit concerned about his appetite, he's eating quite a lot more recently,even for him.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 05/05/19  - IP#:
Are you still taking him out for various things, even though he uses the wheelchair more than before? I am sure it is good for him to see the outside world a bit as well. What does he think himself avouy being so dependent on the wheelchair?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/05/19  - IP#:
Yeah, his belly does hang a lot, you don't really see any of his shorts if he gets up, because the stomach hangs that much. And yeah, Martin has a lot of issues using the bathroom, I need to help him with that almost all the time now. Same with getting him into clothes and showering. Outside of you helping him do these things I don't have any advice, sorry
Reply from Tom, Child's Age 16 - 05/04/19  - IP#:
Thanks. It sounds like his stomach hangs significantly over his waistband. Recently my son has had problems using the restroom because of a similar issue. He also struggles with getting dressed and showering. Any advice?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 05/03/19  - IP#:
Hello Tom, I guess you haven't read all the comments to this board post, but I guess I can try to sum it up here. So, Martin is my 11 year old nephew. My brother/his dad is currently busy with work, has to travel a lot currently and all that, so I have been looking after his kid for 2 months now. I can't really tell how fast Martin got big, because this was actually the first time I met him, I had talked to my brother often, but usually over the phone, and well, did not get to see his son until 2 months ago. But my best guess would be that he always was big, I think Martin said so once. and about the how? well, many people in our family are fat, including me and my brother, and I guess he mostly passed on his habits onto his son. and without being rude, Martin is pretty spoiled, he always expects to get what he asks for (but is still being nice, he doesn't yell or anything) and well, he is kinda too large to help around the house, but he's lazy outside of that too, over the last 2 months his mobility kinda went down, but at the start of his stay when he could move a bit better he still was lazy and didn't want to get up for dinner for example and expected me to bring him the food.
Reply from Tom, Child's Age 16 - 05/01/19  - IP#:
How do you think they got this big? Was it a long process or fairly rapid?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/24/19  - IP#:
And about his weight and wheelchair use. I weighed him yesterday after seeing your message. He's 370.8 pounds now (around 170kg). He has put a lot of weight on and I didn't even really notice. the number surprised me...
about his wheelchair use: by now he pretty much uses it all the time, which I can totally understand, when even the short walks to the bathroom were exhausting, it makes sense.
I have gotten him to eat at the dinner table a few times this way, which is good I guess.
overall his weight and his whole situation are still weird and hard to deal with, I really hope I'm doing an alright job
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/24/19  - IP#:
I have tried on doing different things with Martin, keyword being tried here. nothing really stuck, you know? Both him being so big and him being used to everything being a certain way makes introducing new things to him very very hard. before he got the wheelchair I only got him to go out with me to eat on the weekends, he didn't want to go that often, because it was just too exhausting for him, and it took a long long time so doing it on the weekends where I didn't have to work was much better. Now that he has the wheelchair and it's much easier to take him out we go out to eat twice a week. I know taking him out for food isn't exactly the best option, but I just can't get him to do much else, besides a cinema visit last week, which was quite tough to manage between finding fitting seats for us, him ordering so many snacks and all that. I've been taking him to the park after the going out to eat, so at least that is kinda ok.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 04/22/19  - IP#:
Justin, hope you do a good job.
Did you check Martin's weight after the last time you weighed him? Did you try anything differently with him? How dependent is he on wheel chair and how many times do you take him out to eat or anywhere else on a wheel chair a week?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/22/19  - IP#:
and Hey Dave and Janis, sorry again for not updating you guys as much, has been a busy few weeks. Working from home is still good, but had to focus a lot on that and Martin isn't exactly getting any easier to handle. I'm still managing, but haven't really been able to take him out much, we went to pizza Hut again yesterday, with the wheelchair again, and I drove him through the park a bit. he's still doing well. I don't know if it is his weight or the wheelchair, but it feels like he is relying on it more and moving on his own less, which is a bit worrying to be honest. His dad is still gonna be busy with his stuff, so I will have to look after Martin for some time longer. Hope I can do an alright job
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/22/19  - IP#:
Max it's very likely a mix of both, he takes a very long time to get up and with his size and the ahstma issues, it takes a long time for him to go to the bathroom. But also, he has trouble telling when he needs to go, because it's very very often and a doctor he went to said something along the lines of his bladder muscles are not that strong and his fat presses on it, which both lead to trouble with holding it in
Reply from max, Child's Age 16 - 04/21/19  - IP#:
do u think the accidents/not making it too the toilet issues martin has are just becuase he's to slow or connected to his size in more complicated way as in his size actually makes it harder for him to hold it in? would be interested to hear as I've seen something that suggests the latter.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 14 - 04/11/19  - IP#:
Justin, I agree with Dave's suggestions. Just getting your nephew out into the real world, whether it's to eat or go grocery shopping would be a plus for his attitude. Look at how many stores have mobility scooters for very obese people. Have you thought about buying Depends or something similar in case your nephew has to use the bathroom when out but can't make it in time? My elderly aunt uses them now and she said she was embarrassed at first but no one knows she'swearing them and if it's a choice between wearing them and enjoying life or not wearing them and sitting home alone, she'll wear them. Just a suggestion. You sound like a very caring person.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 04/09/19  - IP#:
I would take him out for lunch or dinner as often as possible as that is obviously something that motivates him. Just see the outside world. Grocery shopping maybe?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/09/19  - IP#:
sorry for not responding again for a few days, has been a bit busy recently.
I got Martin some shorts that are pretty much like sweatpants and some shirts. The wheelchair helped a bit, but I can't really motivate him to go out you know? we went out to pizza it again last Sunday, but nothing else I could get him to go out too.
about the bedwetting, he says he was already at the doctors often, and they say it's pretty much the usual causes, like sleeping too deep and not waking up when he needs to go, or weak bladder muscles. and his daytime problems with it are both some inattention (he finds it hard to tell when he needs to go, because he needs to go so often) plus as the doctors have also found out, his fat presses on the bladder which puts too much pressure on while doing things like getting up.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 04/02/19  - IP#:
Glad to hear the clothes shopping went well! What kind of clothes did you find? Even though he needs to work on his mobility, a wheelchair might motivate him to join you more in the outside world. Have you considered speaking to a doctor about the bedwetting?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 04/01/19  - IP#:
I took out Martin for clothes shopping. I had to use a wheelchair as Dave suggested it's just not realistic to get him there and back otherwise.
they didn't have his size at the store and we had to order clothes, but I guess it worked out.
I haven't really gotten to get him to go out outside of that and pizza Hut yesterday.
oh and Dave, it's multiple things, he has trouble telling when he needs to go, or he goes to the bathroom but isn't fast enough to get there. and sometimes he can't hold it in while doing stuff, like getting up for example, that plus just plain old bedwetting. it's happening somewhat often, but I still do have to take care of him, ya know?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/25/19  - IP#:
Have you considered getting a wheelchair to be able to take him more outside? Seems like that might be a temporary way of getting him more out. Why does he keep on having those bathroom accidents?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/23/19  - IP#:
Why don't you take him for clothes shopping. What is the measurement of his waist anyway? Maybe cloth shopping may be good and give him some time out of the house, some walk and you would also get to spend some time with him out of usual in house routine
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/23/19  - IP#:
It's not that easy, I admit. but I can't be frustrated with him, I want to care for him too and not neglect him, you know?
He has been having more bathroom trouble the last few days, needed more help, and a few accidents too.
and about clothes. his current ones are getting really small, his shirt shows a lot of his belly (more than just the usual that sticks out under it. and his shorts are barely able to be gotten into.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/23/19  - IP#:
How are you taking on with his demands. Is it not frustrating to take care of a boy so unhealthy and demanding for food and going to the bathroom and stuff. Did he have any more difficulties with walking to the bathroom and wearing clothes?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/23/19  - IP#:
Martin seems to be doing fine.
but i haven't been able to do any changes, besides taking him out to go to pizza Hut again, but he was less active there, compared to last time, couldn't get him to walk a bit there, and he didn't get up to get food himself.
I really haven't been able to convince him to change anything, sorry
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/23/19  - IP#:
Justin, hope Martin is doing well.
Did you make any changes ?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Start with small steps. Try to make him more independent, let it take the time he needs to do things. Take him outside and try to catch his interest on things outside his room. Try in a gentle way to make him understand that being almost immobile is not fun at all.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
no, there isn't anyone here besides me and Martin,and I don't know anyone else who I could approach with this.
He doesn't complain about it being painful, but I Cann see that it is somewhat in the way he looks if he's getting up for example.
it's genuine difficulty with moving, no doubt about that.
He is also getting what he wants this way, I know.
but he doesn't exxegarte any difficulties I don't think so.
thinks like not getting to the toilet in time and making a mess on the way, are not things you would do if you just pretend to have it easier, you know?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Also does he complain of pain when he gets up after a long time or just finds it difficult to do so. Do you think he makes up or exaggerates or really finds it difficult to move, as u said he got up to get pizza, he might be exaggerating to avoid getting up more, or doing and getting what he wants
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Justin, it may be hard to get a kid so obese to get motivated to do, but as you're in charge for the while you need to take charge, if that requires to be hard then so be it. Is there any one else in the house other than Martin and you who could motivate or talk to him to get through to him maybe?
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
I know what you mean, but part of being a parent is being that stubborn, angry old guy. If you give in to all his wishes, he will for ever be a big baby. I would say this is much more important at this stage than anything else, like his weight.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
I know I should get Martin to do that.
but it's really hard to convince him to do anything.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
I would just make it clear that food is only available in the kitchen, and no going to the kitchen means no food. Of course someone that is used to hardly ever moving will have pain after a short walk, but that is normal, and he needs to move not to get immobile soon..
Reply from Juatin, Child's Age 11 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Yeah, all good with Martin
he had the breakfast like last few day.
started his online classes again.
he still seems more exhausted than normal from yesterday.
couldn't get him to get out of his room for his breakfasts.
Reply from Helga, Child's Age 10 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Samson is just visiting. His mother does not see him as big as he is. I ask and my daughter say he is chubby. He is not chubby. He is fat. I do not know his weight. He will not get on scale for me. His height is 4'8. He has a lot of stomach. It hangs over his bottoms and out of his tshirts. He is with me for a few months while my daughter has surgery and recovers. I will not treat him like she does and just fatten him up on fast food but he is not happy with me.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Justin, all good with Martin?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Helga, how do his parents see his weight, do they see it as a problem too or discourage him to eat or they don't find him overweight? What is his height and weight? Does he stays with you or is visiting?
Reply from Helga, Child's Age 10 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
I have similar experience with my grandson. He is very overweight. Has trouble walking. I had to give him my room so he had a bathroom because he needed to go so much (every hour it feels like) and it was too far from the guest room for him, especially at night. He also makes a big mess in the bathroom. He stands to pee but hits the floor. He says it is because he can't see where he aims. I tell him to sit but he says its too hard to get up when he has to pee so often. Very wheezy and breathless when moving. Loves his food but only gets junk food af home. Trying to home cook for him but he is used to fast food only. I worry for his heart. It is no good being so big.
Samson needs to exercise but wont. Brought his video games to stay and wont give them up. Wish i knew what to do.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
This will make it easy to know him better and then you could also ask him if he wants to lose weight and also say that you yourself want to lose and maybe you both could go on a diet(ask him this).
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
If you couldn't have dinner with him in the kitchen then maybe you could have dinner with him in his room maybe, at least it will give you time to talk with him, and if you do then ask him if he feels sad and upset over his size, indirectly ask how his dad feels about his weight, their relation etc
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
Picky and easy to upset is very typical for a kid that never had any limits set. I would first of all make him more independent - going out, showering, bathroom, getting dressed and so on. It is indeed much more important than his weight at this stage.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
I Didn't bring it up, Sarah.
and for what kind of snacks I leave in his room, mmh. he pretty much gave me a huge list of stuff he wanted, and there is pretty much some of everything in there, some chips, oreos, wine gum, cookies and lots of other stuff.
I couldn't really tell you what he eats for dinner, has been different things each time.
but the helpings for his meal, I guess around 4 plates full of whatever is made. that's how often I have to bring him food.
Martin really takes a lot until he is satisfied.
I don't know if I can change what stuffhe eats or how much. the kid is really picky and really easy to upset.
and I tried asking him if he could eat dinner in the kitchen with me, but couldn't get him too, he was still winded from pizza hut earlier.
and idk, it's really really hard to get him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
As you said he got up for the pizza,tyhen if you don't give him food in his room he sure will get up himself for it and that is more good as although he will not lose weight but next time you go to a place,he will not be tired walking to the place,he does not move in house so it gets difficult outside
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
What type of food do you give Martin for snacks as you said you leave them in his room? What does he have for lunch and dinner and how many helpings? Is he a soda fan? Maybe try moderating the diet and other than full calorie stuff bring low calories ones, or less quantity, or don't give in his room.
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
Good that you were able to go out and do something - just staying inside isn't good. I would worry about his need for help with toilet etc. though, that is not much fun. Try to take him out more like this, I am sure it does him great anyway!
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/19/19  - IP#:
Although the pizza hut trip didn't help his weight loss but sure must have been a good bonding time, did you speak to him about stuff related to his side, difficulties of being overweight and stuff?It's good you parked away, he at least got some walking.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
Oh yeah, we got back like 2 hours ago.
it wasn't a full walk,Martin was already left coughing after we got out of the house (remember, Ahstma)
but I tried parking a little bit away so he had to walk.
it didn't went super well, the walk that was a bit over 1 block took like 10 minutes with him, had to take 2 breaks and he was very sweaty afterwards.
He was a bit annoyed that I "couldn't find a good parking spot" and was kinda in a sour mood.
but that was pretty much forgotten once we had something to eat.
We got the all you can eat option, I know it wasn't the best, but ordering individually would have been way too expensive.
I was done after 30 minutes, but Martin just continued and continued.
we were there for like 2 hours.
he got up himself for the pizza, which was quite surprising to me.
but he pretty much continued eating for all of the 2 hours besides 1 toilet break (which he required help with, he couldn't move as well being that full)
atleast I got him out a bit.
Right now he is taking another nap
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
That is good to hear. But when it comes to showering, getting dressed and such, it can't be much fun not being able to do it himself. In a year or too puberty will hit.. How did the Pizza Hut trip go, all good?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
He doesn't really have much of a social life.
from what I know Martin has quite a few online friends he talks to regularly, which he really calls friends
(I asked if they are just random people he just talks to a bit, or more like actual friends who just live further away)
he talks with them a lot over the internet, and I heard him voice chat with some other kids too.
and he is happy with just playing video games, watching TV and browsing the internet otherwise.
He has friends and stuff he likes to do.
so atleast for him he has a normal time, I guess
Reply from Dave, Child's Age 15 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
I would do whatever is needed for him to be able to have a normal social life, whatever it takes. Whether he is 150 or 350 lbs, he should be able to go shopping, shower and get dressed, hang put with friends, all the normal things an 11 year old should do.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
I asked if needing help with getting showered and dressed was usual, Martin said yes, since a year or so he needed help with it.
I tried convincing him to go to the park later today.
nope, it's boring and "too much walking" he said.
but I managed to convince him to go to the local pizza Hut with me later today
I know it's not that good, but hey, at least I may get him out for once.
I haven't had to take him with me when I had to do stuff like going shopping, the 2 times I've done so, I left him home alone for a bit.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
You will not make the kid upset,and even if he gets a little upset it's okay, you are the adult here and he's your responsibility, if you let him sit all the time his size is going to go bigger and imagine you have to help him shower now, what will be next?What do u do with him if u need to go out?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
If you had to help him in the shower then probably you would have to do it as long as he is here which sounds tiring, did his dad also help him in shower and changing clothes? Also I think your brother is at fault here, if he hadn't fed the kid so much and encouraged his sedentary life, he wouldn'tbe so big
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/18/19  - IP#:
Maybe you could go and politely ask him that you wanted to go with him to the park, and influence him by saying things like you've met him after so long and you wanted to talk and have a good bond as you both will be staying together for the next few months, maybe this could work
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Any tips on how to go about that
He is very hard to motivate to do anything.
I had to help shower him earlier today, and he just wanted to continue just lying around and doing nothing
it was a huge work to get him to do it.
(and ugh, couldn't get him in the bathtub (don't have a separate shower stall), just had to shower him standing on the normal bathroom floor and mop up after.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
I wanted to say that as he goes with his dad to eat, you could take him out to the parks for fresh air maybe, this way you could also spend some time alone with him, you could ask him how he thinks of his weight and it's hinderances( not in harsh words but indirectly so he wouldn't be sad) also.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Yeah, my brother is pretty well off, that certainly played a part in it.
and I think he had someone to clean the house and look after Martin before.
I could try to get him to go somewhere to eat, but no offense, I don't think we could walk to any food place around here.
the only option would be by car.
and then I'd take him out to eat too, I don't think that would help his weight.
I can try to get him to eat at a table, but it will make him a bit upset, I'm sure.
I could contact my brother, but I don't know how to go about this.
don't want to make him upset, you know?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Also, is his dad really rich?did that make him somewhat spoiled. Previously, because he's so overweight and is homeschooled, did his dad leave him with househelps when he needed to work, saying, you also have to give him food and he can't walk much.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
You said that he goes out to eat with his dad, that also requires walking, maybe same way encourage him to come out with you. If u really insist he wouldn't deny maybe.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Do you have any communication with his dad while he's gone, can u enlighten him with the problem, with the bathroom clothes and stuff. Also is it possible to ask Martin to come on the table for meals other than in room as he should know that it's your house and you do things this way.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
I don't think his dad was strict or restrictive, I know my brother.
he's pretty much a doormat (sorry)
so it's very likely it's just the way Martin is used to with his dad
and I don't think his dad would say anything. otherwise he would have done something with the kids weight on his own, ya know?
I don't really know how it actually is, I haven't seen him with the kid before, you know?
First time I met the kid
and it was pretty much, hey I'll be busy for a while with work, can you look after my son
you'll also get money for the things you'd have to buy for him
so I said, sure why not.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
If u continue to give into his demands,he will done immobile and so more tough to handle.Will his dad blame you, to feed him so much? Or does he already know about his appetite. Maybe he's throwing tantrums with u, as you're new, and maybe his dads strict with food and weight. Kids do that usually.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
I don't know where I would take him to meet other kids. and to be honest. I don't know if going to a park would be doable for him with all the walking he needs to do there.
no idea how to handle this...
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Saying that I should not give in to his demands and actually not doing it are really hard.
The kid gets really upset and sad if he doesn't give his food, and I don't know how to handle him if he would get mad all day long.
and I have no idea how his dad would react, but it isn't really feasible to stop Martin, it just doesn't work.
I don't really know how to do this
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Maybe, other than video games, when he ain't sleeping,because u work from home, u can take him to parks, or introduce him to some boys in the neighbourhood, it will be hard but he could use some friends. He will get up from the couch and also some sun would be good for him,hope it helps.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
That sounds like a really difficult boy to handle. If I were you, I wouldn't give in to his demands when you know that it will hurt him more and also cause a problem for you. Will his dad object if you refuse to feed him the amount of junk, saying it's not the way things go in ur house,would dad mind?)
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
OK, so the routine.
I work from home btw, so that's how I can care for him in the first place.
he wakes up usually somewhat early, around like 6
wants to have breakfast
again by around 7
his online classes start at 8:15 and he then has the snacks around him
he usually wants something more to eat by 10
lunch is by 12 and again at 1 pm
than he usually naps for half the afternoon.
and dinner is the same with him wanting to have dinner 2 or 3 times.
Video games are the stuff he does in the afternoon when he isn't sleeping.
what else?
he has to go to the toilet like every 1 and a half hours?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
All these questions are tough to answer.
okay, so where he carries his weight.
it's definitely his stomach, I mean of course he is fat all over, but his stomach is just like a huge ball that sticks out a lot and also hangs down quite a bit, if he stands up you don't even see his shorts because the stomach covers it.
I haven't had dinner with him together, no. He is very hard to motivate to get up, and I didn't want him to get mad, so it has been me bringing the food so far.
I really don't know how to control his eating, as I mentioned Martin is used to getting what he wants, I don't want him to get histeric just because I told him to stop eating
and He has needed help in the bathroom a few times, it has been like him most of the time, but he asked for help too sometimes.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
You said he need helps with clothes, does he need help in the bathroom? Probably will if he gains more pounds, and that will be more tiring to u. What is a day in his life like, maybe I can tell better how to improve it if I know his routine daily like. Where does he carry most weight?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
If he's with you for more than 2 months and gains more weight making him immobile(Godforbid),then do you think his dad is going to blame you?Do you have lunch/dinner together, maybe have it with him on table,so u can see his portion sizes, choices and try to tell him when he has had enough.hope it help
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Yeah it will be really difficult for him and you if he gains any more weight, as you're implying that he already is partially immobile, so gaining will just add to the problem.
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
And about my brother's situation, it's just him and Martin. I remember asking him how he had a kid, didn't know he had a girlfriend, he told me they broke up when Martin was 2 and he got full custody of him.
and Yeah, both my brother and me were quite fat kids, as is pretty much everyone in the family.
but that still doesn't make a kid thats so huge
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
"Getting spoonfed and always getting his way" is probably accurate. I really don't think it's any medical condition.
and uhh, it's pretty hard to tell what he eats all day, first it's just so fricking much and not consistent (eats when he wants, not on schedule) and second I have to leave food in his room so he doesn't call me over all the time.
and Yeah, he already finds it difficult to move, what will happen if he puts even more weight on...
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Do you know if his mom and dad always smothered him with food. Is his mum overweight too, as you said you and your brother both are not very fit, this might show that it's mostly genetic. Were you and your brother also obese as kids, it might be same with him then. Are his siblings also overweight?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/17/19  - IP#:
Oh,has your brother gotten him checked for any medical condition causing the weight gain. Do you think that his laziness and poor food choices are only to blame for his extremely high weight at such a young age, or is it the genes too. Did he help your brother with some chores or is always spoon fed and is used to getting things his way? I think the only option now as he is too big to lose weight by exercise is to limit his diet, balance it and reduce or more probably stop intake of junk and packaged food, as he although will not lose but will not gain weight, which is very dangerous, at his age and height. Also, how is his diet now, what does he eat in a day? Do you think gaining more pounds he could be bed bounded or very difficult for him to move?
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
I don't think Telling dad would do anything, I know him.
and no, I'm not really fit either, so it wouldn't be just fit uncle doing something with the fat nephew
it would obviously be fat uncle trying to get his fat nephew to do stuff.
not a good role model and likely to upset him
and you asked if he could do stuff like sit ups or something similar.
no I don't think so, his waist size is too big for sit-ups
and other things would be not possible too
he just is too big for that already.
and it would trigger his ahstma most likely, so even if that would work we would get a problem with that.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
If exercise like jogging and running is obviously hard because of his weight you could ask him to spend time doing sit ups, is his waist size really big, can he do sir ups or any other form of exercise in ur opinion. Because if he does not do anything now it will be more trouble to you also
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Can you persuade his dad, telling him how overweight Martin is,pretty sure he knows it himself but hearing the truth maybe can get through to him. Also are you yourself very physically active and fit, can you influence the boy in some way, I mentioned before like a stroll outside etc
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Problem with the school related advice, he's homeschooled, does some online classes thing.
The kinect would be unlikely to work either, pretty much no one really likes it, and I think Martin would rather play normal games that are better instead, very hard to convince him
And I don't know how he would be if he went shopping with me, I asked him if he sometimes goes with his dad, and no, only to the clothes store, which he finds "annoying".
and hooh, I could refuse him, but that kid is not used to that.
he would cry for hours if I didn't get him what he wants
he teared up when I mentioned lunch taking a hour longer than expected.
and I don't know how I could convince him to help around the house, again he wouldn't like doing that and I want to keep him calm.
and sorry if it's insulting to him
he's useless in any chores around the house
it's a tough case, as I mentioned before
it feels more like looking after a toddler than a preeteen
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Did you ask him if he faces any problems in school regarding his weight, fitting into chairs, bullying or going to malls does he gets a lot of huffing puffing there also, seeing he can't get from room to bathroom easily, how does he manage that. Maybe you could get across him your msg of losing weight.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
You could tell him that in your house you would appreciate some help, some bonding time that also helps him reduce his weight so that it is easy for you too to manage him as you said you had to clean when he couldn't get to the bathroom in time. Is it possible to refuse if he asks for packaged foods?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
This way you could persuade him also to join you in doing such stuff. If he likes playing video games, why don't you ask his dad to get him Kinect so that he can get some sort of movement. Also does he spend all his time on video games confined to his room?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Does he have any physical education and stuff in school, ask him how he does in that? And then you could maybe persuade him if he would want to improve his level of fitness. That also depends if you also are fit or spend time doing anything for staying fit, maybe like running, gym, dance routine
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
His dad was very likely OK with the weight, as I mentioned I haven't seen him since he had Martin, but he's also on the larger side, and Martin wouldn't have the kind of behavior he has now if his dad would have been super strict.
About measurements.
I mentioned the weight before, it was 346 lbs as of 3 days ago (156 kg)
and I don't really have anything to measure height here, but he looks like the normal height for kids his age, maybe a head smaller?
so my guess would be 4 feet 6 (around 140/141cm?)
About what he eats, yeah. it's more on the 'Junk' side of food. he wanted me to get lots of snacks when I went shopping 3 days ago.
and Food wasn't takeout so far, but he eats a lot of the stuff here and often, and I had to get him packaged meals like pizza or pre-made lasagna too.
I asked him the clothes question(framed as, you are staying with me for a month or more, what if you need new clothes, where do you get them)
The answer was a local plus sized store, and even they usually have to order in clothes.
Which is expected, a kid his size isn't common, even here.
at home so far he wears very baggy pants (shorts) and usually just has a tanktop on.
and no, haven't really got him to help me around the house, he couldn't really hell me with most stuff I think, and it would be nigh-impossible to get him to do so
I mentioned before, it is not that easy
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
I could make some rules, but idk. he is very used to how his dad does stuff. and as I mentioned he's kinda spoiled (but still nice, he doesn't yell, just gets kinda all teary and begs for stuff, that happened when I told him on his first day that it was still some more time until lunch).
and to be honest, I don't think he really is in any shape to do exercise, the boy has ahstma and even just walking through the house is much for him
don't really know what I can do
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
I asked him kinda indirectly.
first if just watching TV and playing games doesn't get boring.
Nope, he has lots of stuff to do and he says it's really nice because he can relax while doing it.
and as a second question I asked him if things like him having trouble getting to the bathroom bother him. he says it's a bit annoying, but he's used to it.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
How did his dad deal with his weight, was he okay and encouraged him to eat more or restricted his diet and wanted him to lose weight. Does he insist for takeouts and junk? What are his height and measurements. Is finding clothes that fit a struggle? Does he help you around the house?
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
If he is now with you, so does it means that you get to decide and make rules for him? Why don't you tell him that he can or has to do exercise routines from television other than just sitting and watching television. Why not go for jogs, running or just simple walking with him.
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Ask him if he plays video games and watches tv just because he likes to spend a sedentary life and is satisfied with the way of life(not able to do walk properly to bathroom) or he wants to play sports and do other active things and is unable to, simply if he wants to improve the weight he is now
Reply from Justin, Child's Age 11 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Do you know if he did any activities back there, any sports or something else? How are his eating habits like? Does he struggle a lot with his weight?
I asked him what he does in his free time, and the response was video games, watching TV, readings books and Going out with his dad to eat.
asked him if that was it, He said yes.
That was kinda what I expected.
Martins eating habits? a lot and very often is what I would say, it's kinda hard to keep track because it's more of he always wants food if he is hungry and not I make set meals for him at set times.
And he definitely eats a lot, more than I could.
And Yup, he definitely is affected by his size. He also has Ahsthma.
As I mentioned in my last post, he struggles to walk the way from my guest room to the next bathroom because he gets very out of breath and starts coughing on the way there, had to set up a few chairs so he can sit down and take a break or two. Also one time so far where he didn't made it there and I had to clean it up, which he was kinda emberassed about, but his reaction suggested it wasn't the first time it happened.
he Also asks me for help with getting dressed, he could do it himself, but its hard for him.
Martin is quite the tough kid to look after...
Reply from Sarah, Child's Age 12 - 03/16/19  - IP#:
Oh, that is quite high for anyone let alone a 11 year old. Do you know if he did any activities back there, any sports or something else? How are his eating habits like? Does he struggle a lot with his weight?