From Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 05/27/18 - IP#:  Click here to reply  
Hello, I'm a mother to one wonderful boy and aunt to two nephews. I work after school and my sister-in-law takes my son to her place and looks after him for the evening. She is a bigger lady and her boys are, in my opinion, quite fat. Over the last year my son has put on some weight. I didn't notice it until I was over at her house for a pool party for her youngests birthday. All the boys were in swim shorts and I noticed my son has got fat rolls and little boy boobies just like his cousins. I'm not sure how to approach this with him or my sister-in-law. How do I tell her that her kids are fat and my kid is getting fat from being at her house too? Please help!
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 10/14/18  - IP#:
Hello Aiysha, How is Malachi doing? You mentioned your concern about him sneaking food. I have the same problem with my son Paul, except he doesn't sneak it. We (Paul and I) share a large home with my brother, his wife, and their massively obese son Luke, who is 16 and weighs over 400 pounds. My s-i-l always has a ton of food available at meals and for snacks and Paul just goes wild with food. Plus, his grandmother (his father's mother) gives him a substantial allowance (which I have no control over) so I know he has the money to buy extra food at school, on the way to school, and on the way home after school. Paul has re-joined a swimming club, which he likes, but all the exercise seems to have done in increase his appetite even more. I really think a major part of why Paul has gotten so fat over the past three years is that his cousin Luke, who Paul thinks is very cool, has encouraged him to overeat. I notice this at mealtimes when I'm home. Luke can eat a whole roast chicken by himself with endless helpings of mash potatoes and gravy and it seems that every time Luke takes another helping, Paul does too. He weighs close to 275 now and I hate to think he will end up as fat as his cousin, but given my situation as a single mom whose job takes me on trips very often, there's no way I can keep Paul away from Luke's influence and my s-i-l's fattening meals (she is fat, always was, and my brother was average size when he married her and now weighs in the high 300's himself. Neither of them think their son Luke has a problem and think I should "lighten up" with my worries about Paul. But it just kills me to see how fat he is.The school pants I bought for him in August (size 46) and already tight on him to the point of bursting.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 09/15/18  - IP#:
Thanks Janis for your advice. His name is Malachi. My nephews also gained a lot of weight on that cruise. Malachi said it was all you can eat at meals and they had all his favorites. There was also snack bars everywhere and unlimited soda too. He's complaining a lot since he's been back about not getting enough to eat except at his aunts house. I'm intentionally trying to limit his portions but I have noticed food going missing so I think he is sneaking food. I'm doing what you said though and biting my tongue and not bringing it up as I don't want him to think that's all I care about.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 09/09/18  - IP#:
Hello Aiysha, I can imagine how shocked you were when you found your son weighed more than 200. When my son Paul reached that level, I was horrified but it didn't bother him at all, he seemed almost proud. Like your son and his fat cousins, my son has a very fat cousin, two years older, who he thinks his cool. I sometimes think he is wants to be as fat as his cousin Luke. I don't know if that's how your son feels. The main thing I can advise is not to get into arguments with your son about his weight. You want him to feel he can come to you with a problem or a concern and that you won't always bring up how fat he is. There are times when I have to bite my tongue, but that's what I do. This week Paul told me that he had been cut from the football team, which kind of pleased me because of the danger of concussions, but he had really wanted to play football. The main thing is that he told me himself. You want your son to be able to talk with you. BTW, just wondering, what is your son's first name?
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 09/05/18  - IP#:
I finally got him to weigh himself with your method. Apparently ice cream is irresistible! He was 213 lbs which was shockingly high to me. Got him to weigh in just his underwear and his weight gain was very obvious. He has big thick stretch marks all over his sides and belly and boy boobies and his belly is hanging quite far down in front and spilling over the sides too. A lot of extra weight on the front and some on his rear and face, but mainly its his belly. He didn't seem embarrassed by it just annoyed that I was upset about it. I don't know what to do to make him see how big he is becoming. Please help.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 09/04/18  - IP#:
Hello Aiysha, My son is the same. He doesn't want to talk about his weight with me and always asks why I nag him. :ast night I got him to let me weigh him on the bathroom scale by telling him he couldn't have dessert (ice cream) unless he got on the scale. He weighs 268 pounds, all in the belly and rear end. Maybe this strategy will work with your son.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 08/30/18  - IP#:
Hi Janis,
He got back a few days ago and he has put on a lot of weight. He won't let me weigh him but the change is pretty significant. My sister-in-law bought him new clothes to help with the increased size as if that was meant to make up for letting him get so fat. His cousins are bigger than ever too. He won't talk to me about his weight he just gets mad and asks why I'm not cool like his aunt and uncle.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 08/28/18  - IP#:
Aiysha, has your son come back from the cruise and vacation? How is he doing?
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 07/13/18  - IP#:
Hello Aiysha, You're right. Let's hope all the walking he'll be doing at Disneyworld and the other places in Florida will be good for his weight. I know it's frustrating when the kids don't seem to care about their weight. My son has a summer job doing yard work (for pay) and has gotten a good tan but he's not losing any weight. I found out it's because he spends all he earns on ice cream and fast food after his jobs are finished. We had agreed that he would save part of his earnings and put aside some for charity but that hasn't happened yet.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 07/11/18  - IP#:
No he's on the cruise (and accompanying vacation) until the middle of august. I've talked to him a few times since he went on it and the main activities he has been doing are the all day all you can eat ice cream bar, the unlimited soda and the video game lounge and occasionally a swim. Hasn't gone on a single day trip at any of the ports - though my brother and his wife are enjoying being kid free for that part. Can't say it is looking good for his waistline when he gets back. They are hitting up disneyland and a bunch of places in Florida before they come back so maybe all the walking there will help.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 07/06/18  - IP#:
Hello Aiysha, Has your son returned from the cruise yet? I was wondering how he did. As I recall, cruises have a lot of activities for young people so hopefully he and his cousins didn't spend all their time eating. My son is working with this summer doing yardwork for neighbors which is good because it keeps him active but it also means his appetite is even bigger than before. He is supposed to start football training in 2 weeks. He tells me the coaches really want him to play, so we'll see if that has an effect on his weight. I hope so. Best wishes rto you and your sonm Aiysha.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 06/28/18  - IP#:
'May I ask you, how much does your son weigh and how tall is he?"
Not sure of his exact weight but I think around 150 lbs. He's 4ft10. He has left for the cruise so I cant check now.
"Have other people mentioned to you that he's putting on weight on is it something that just you have noticed?" It has been brought up by others since summer started and he's been taking off his shirt more, but some friends from out of town mentioned how much larger he is looking now. "Does your son play sports?" No. He never really got into sports.
Thanks for getting back to me Janis.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 06/26/18  - IP#:
Sorry to take so long to get back to you, Aiysha. I've been on a business trip. To answer your questions, my nephew Luke weighs 390 pounds the last I heard. He's 15, about the same height as my son (5'7"). My s-i-l homeschools him. He takes part in activities for homeschoolers in our town and seems to have some friends. My son Paul just idolizes him. I remember that Luke was only chubby as a youngster and then ballooned up when he was around 8 and he's gotten bigger and bigger ever since. As far as my son's reaction to the pediatrician's counseling about eating healthy: I don't know if it's just my son or is something typical of boys ages 10-13, but he definitely thinks he knows what's best for him. Last time we went to the pediatrician, Paul listened politely and then went home and continued his round-the-clock eating. In our family it's easy for Paul to do that because Luke eats round-the-clock and all Paul needs to do is join him on the sofa watching TV or playing video games while my s-i-l brings out food, so you can see where I have no control. My s-i-l has always been my best friend (that's how she met and married my brother). I wouldn't dream of hurting her feelings by bringing up her son's weight. May I ask you, how much does your son weigh and how tall is he? Have other people mentioned to you that he's putting on weight on is it something that just you have noticed? Does your son play sports? My son was always athletic and played youth baseball and football, but now he doesn't play because he doesn't like to run. But, when I last mentioned his size to him, he told me he needed to be big because the coach wants him to play tackle on the middle school football team in August. He always has an excuse or a reason not to lose weight. I wonder if your son will be like that if you ever bring up losing weight with him. I hope this answers your questions for now. Hope to hear from you sooon. It seems like you and I are in similar situations.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 06/17/18  - IP#:
Thank you Janis for your advice.
How heavy is your nephew?
Did the pediatrician visit help your son to eat less?
My son is set to spend most of the summer with them on a cruise and vacation. I can't get away from work so they are taking just him. Should I try and make sure he eats reasonably while he is away or just leave it to my brother and my sister-in-law?
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 06/16/18  - IP#:
Hello again Alysha, It sounds like you're going through with your son what I went through with my son back when he was 10. I went to spend the summer with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew (all fat), and came back having gained 33 pounds. I almost didn't recognize him. Since then, my brother and his family have moved back to our home town and we share a two family house. I'm a single mom and they really help care for my boy when my job takes me away from home. The thing is that my nephew is very very fat and his parents don't think anything's the matter. My son thinks his cousin (2 years older) is very cool and the end result is that my son now weighs almost 250 pounds (age 13). I've learned over the past 3 years that the main thing is to keep open communication with my son, and not nag him about his weight. Your cannot control what he eats and you don't want him to turn away from you because he thinks all you're going to do is nag him about being fat. There's so much at this age that you ant your son to be able to tell you about, so maybe his weight has to take a back seat to keeping good communication with him. I would suggest you take him to his pediatrician for a physical (call the doctor in advance and let her/him know you're worried about your son's weight). Maybe if the doctor advises your son to watch what he eats, your son will listen. I'm sorry I can't give you a magic cure...I'm very unhappy when I see my son now squeezing into men's size 44 pants because his hips and buttocks and legs are so big, and his pot belly bulges over the waist, but I want to be there for him when he gets a little older and realizes his weight is something he has control of. Hope this advice helps.
Reply from Aiysha, Child's Age 11 - 06/16/18  - IP#:
Thank you Janis for your reply.
I hope I don't need to buy him clothes anytime soon. I just bought him new ones again.
Was your son slender before he started spending the time at his cousins' house?
Yes he was quite slender before all of this and he has filled out a lot. I've also found out he was getting clothes from his cousins as hand me downs.
Are his cousins your son's age? One is a bit older (13) and the other is a bit younger (11, but a month younger than he is). Both are taller than my son, but very fat. They have bellies that hang out over their pants and very pronounced boy boobies and buttocks. I do not think those boys exercise much as they huffed and puffed a lot at the pool party.
Reply from Janis, Child's Age 13 - 06/15/18  - IP#:
Hello Alysha, I don't think you can bring up your sister-in-law's weight or the weight of her two sons with her without her seeing it as criticism, when she is doing you a big favor. Concerning your son, his weight gain over the past few months may be a normal thing that kids his age go through before puberty. I understand why you're concerned (as a mom myself). I suggest a good time to bring up your son's weight with him is when you have to buy him larger size clothes. You can mention to him that he's "growing real fast" or "is really filling out" and see what he says. Don't mention "fat" to him at will put him on the defensive. And don't mention his cousins' weight to him. If he tells them that you think they're "fat", it will create an unpleasant atmosphere for you with your sister-in-law. Was your son slender before he started spending the time at his cousins' house? Are his cousins your son's age? Best wishes.