From Steve, Child's Age 23 - 08/11/05 - IP#: 200.88.31.xxx  Click here to reply  
I hope you all will forgive me if I slip my daughter Megan in as a child even though she is 23. (Actually Megan is not 23 emotionally as she suffers from impulsivity, low initiative and poor self esteem.) Megan weighs 220 and is 5' 6". She started gaining weight about 8 years ago when her Grandmother, with whom she had a conflicted relationship, died.
Megan still lives at home with us and is a good moral person with a great sense of humor. And as a family we eat a very healthy Mediterranean style diet with no sugar and low fat. So obviously she is bingeing offsite as she is exercising regularly with walking and an old Richard Simmons video. She has tried lots of diets with no real success.
We live in a Third world country so our access to spas, etc. is limited. We have sent her to a psychiatrist but with no real success. I see Megan having more and more physical and emotional health problems due to her obesity and am more than willing to invest financially in her future. The problem is I don't know what to do. My questions: (Finally)
1. Are there other web sites or e-mail lists, perhaps monitored by professionals,that specifically address our situation profiled above that anyone could recommend?
2. Does anyone have a recommendation on a short term live-in spa-type facility that would help Megan? Or even an Internet based support group? While we are not "big rich" money is not an issue.
3. Do concrete rewards (bribes?) help children in losing weight? Megan has ALWAYS wanted to go to Florence, Italy. I have thought about offering to send her and her mom to Florence when she loses 25 punds and keeps them off for say three months. And she also really wants a car. I've thought about getting her a car at 50# and keepng it off for six months. But I also don't want to make the situation worse and I'm no psychiatrist. Your suggestions, please?
My thanks in advance and my sympathies to the folks listed who have lost their children.
Steve
Reply from steve, Child's Age 23 - 08/21/05  - IP#: 200.88.31.xxx
Thanks Dee for your support. I wish you success.

 
Reply from Dee, Child's Age 15 - 08/16/05  - IP#: 216.175.30.xxx
Steve -- I have the opposite daughter, she's 15 going on 40 and KNOWS everything. She is also 5'6" and weighs slightly less than your daughter. We gave her home detention this summer because of issue that were raised at the end of the last school year. I am responding to your posting because of the question of "bribes". Here it is taught from little on to reward good behaviour. My way of thinking has always been that that is a bribe. However, my 15 year old daughter will get her learners permit to drive shortly after school starts, and while we had put money aside for a car, we were waiting to see that the responsiblity issue really hit home with her. All things aside, a deal came along that we absolutely could not pass up and she now has a car she has to look at everyday and can not drive -- at least not yet. This has made a HUGE change in her attitude! and for the better I might add. We also are letting her decide what to eat and when and trying to guide her in her choices, i.e., rather than more noodles, how about more chicken? Sometimes she makes the right choices, and sometimes not, but she has to take that initiative herself. We too are not "rich" and eat a healthy diet, but restricting her last year, caused the behavioural problems so she could go out and bing. I wouldn't make a bribe with the weight loss but I might seriously think about the car. What friends she does have (and sometimes it's few with overweight kids) will think she's special because of the car alone which will make her feel good about herself and bring the positive changes. Also, in looking for a website that can help you online, there is one I looked at a year ago and had discussions on. I'm sorry I can't remember it, but if you do a search for the specific emotional problems your daughter is having, aside from the weight, you'll trim down the sites you have to go through. Much of what was said was very insightfuly to me, having put my daughter into therapy without luck (or a good therapist -- unfortunately). A caring parent that truly shows their children they appreciate them can sometimes work more miracles than anything else.