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From Timothy, child's age 12

Hello, I have to admit I feel a bit lost at my situation. My wife and I split up about two years ago. At first we were able to do regular visits then I had to move for work and now that I've moved back the change in my son is horrifying me. He has always been a chubby child, maybe on the fat side of chubby. Now though he is definitely fat. From everything I can tell his mother gives into his every food whim. He has tried tantrums on me and at first I tried to say no but they got so severe I ended up giving in. He's a 230 lb kid having a full blown tantrum. That's a little scary even for me as that's a full 70 lbs more than I weigh. I have been doing my best to only cook healthy meals. At first he wouldn't eat them but now he knows it's all he's getting. However, he has told me he hates coming to mine because I'm mean. I don't want to lose my son, I feel I've already lost so much time with him, but I also don't want to give into him. He's told me that his Mom would start crying, and say things like, "Don't ever leave me like your Daddy did. I need you here with me forever, please?" Then HE would get upset and start crying, and then she would start apologizing and say "I didn't mean to make you cry," and then give him ice cream and chocolate and chips and whatever else his heart desires. I just don't know what to do about the situation. No custody fighting isn't going to work. It was hard enough to get custody sharing and with how he feels about me right now for not feeding his overeating I doubt I would come out seeing him at all.