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From Mathijs, Age 19

Ht. 180 cm, Start: 66 kg, Today: 113 kg, Goal: 200 kg - I want to share my story here because I don’t know what to do. Ever since I was little I have a love for fat. It all started when I felt special feelings for fat women I saw online. Later I started to gain to be fat myself. In a few years I grew into a 13 year old weighing 87 kg. I got bullied and wanted to look skinny so I was normal. After 2 years I got there and slimmed down to 66 kg. I stayed skinny for a while and even went almost anotexic in behaviour. I also missed being fat and decided to gain weight a year ago. In less then a year I gained all the way up to 113 kilo. I would be heavier if my parents didn’t find out and gave me a wake up call. I have been stable in weight for 2 months now. But I’m really fighting against myself because I still want to get fatter, but I know I shouldn’t. I know the horrible things that will happen to me but somehow I’m still thinking about gaining to a scarily high weight. I feel like I’m lost in myself. I got too caught up in the world of feederism... If anyone has some advice or wants to talk to me feel free to reply.