hey, i'm sorry to hear about your friend, i know it must've been really hard on you..have you thought of getting help? are you really depressed? because both my parents are psychiatrists..i know some things about that..cuz in a lot of cases, depression either leads to binge eating (what you might be doing now, eating because you're not happy and not being happy cuz you're eating...or even just thinking it doesn't matter anymore), or not eating at all (you lose the will to do anything)...and about the swimming, i'm on a swimteam too, i started 2 years ago..i used to weigh about 145ish, and now i weigh 128..no one thinks i'm the same person as before, i changed so much...and i enjoy it too!! i go 5-6 times a week for about 2 hours..try getting back into a sport, it does wonders and it helps if it's something yoou enjoy..i remember when i started it was SO hard..i was the slowest (not to mention the chubbiest) of everyone, including the 9 yr olds..listen it might be hard getting back into that swimsuit or track suit or whatever..but it's well worth it..just giving you some advice =)..stay strong..YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT!!