I totally understand what you are going through and I Might Serve as some hope to you. When I had just turned 13, I weighed about 175 pounds, 5foot1 and a size 18 womens. I felt horrible. So i started counting calories. I found a lot of good info over the internet, and i also was in gym class, so that helped. I wished i could just be 150 pounds and i told myself if i ever got there, i would love myself unconditionally. Wrong. Today i am 145 pounds, but i don't feel any better about myself, now i tell myself my happiness will be in 130 pounds, and i know i can get there, but i also know i probably won't feel any better about myself as 130 pounds than i was at 175. I wasn't happy anywhere, and i probably will never be with my body. I hope you are not doing this to try to make yourself feel happier. I've become more social and in a way happier, but when it comes to checking with myself every night, I feel i don't belong anywhere. If you are trying to lose weight for yourself, to be healthy, please e mail me, at flutegirl487@hotmail.com. I must forwarn you, however, losing weight can become an addiction, it almost has with me, and you need to except yourself before you change the way you look.