ok- well try not to think about it like that. accept how you are right now so you don't kill yourself at first. calm down and just take it one meal time one day at a time- eat more natural foods- a lot of fruits and veggies- cut down on the sugar. cut your portions in half. make sure that you don't overanticipate the results- don't expect the results to come magically overnight. good luck- if you put your mind to it you really can overcome this- i know because i'm doing it right now. also- make sure that you do a cardio exersize 4 days a week to go along with the weight lifting.